I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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