I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
