Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am never drinking with the goths again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
