i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
