I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
