Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
