My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
