Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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