he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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