No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
