I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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