remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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