i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
