Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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