Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
