At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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