So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize