if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your cock deserves a montage
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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