When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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