Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
