He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
