My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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