we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize