i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
