ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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