he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
