Kiss
Puke
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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