Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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