Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
