im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
