the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
