it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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