I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize