its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
