marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
