Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize