I got chris browned last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
