We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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