Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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