tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
