It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
