I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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