Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
