If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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