Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
