the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
