Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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