whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
