It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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