Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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