What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize