Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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