So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you bring me the toilet please
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
