I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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