walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Mom said you looked used
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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