In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
