Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
