Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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