anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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