Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
pop tarts are not kleenex
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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