I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
