Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
