She's JV to your varsity
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
