I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
