Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
