i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
